7 ways to be sure you're in the Philppines

1. Jeepneys & a million taxis

These are one of my absolute favourite things about the Philippines. Most people don’t own cars so traffic mainly consists of jeepneys and taxis. Taxis come in two varieties: Air-Con and Non-Aircon. The Air-Con taxis are the newer cars, with interiors chilled to near freezing, and the average ride home will cost around p70 (there are around 90 pesos to the £ but it varies daily) Non-Aircon taxis are the ones that are either too old to have air-con or used to have air-con but it’s broken. All taxis have air-con or non aircon written on the bonnet so you know what you’re getting into. Having been here a while now I’m a big fan of the non aircon taxi, firstly because it’s cheaper and it only costs p45 on average and secondly, because the journeys are a lot more entertaining. For some reason, still unknown to me, the rear door behind the driver’s seat is ALWAYS locked, and has often had the opening knob removed. Mostly the window winders are also missing so the windows are permanently open. When it rains the driver stops the cab, gets out or leans over and pulls the window up by the glass. Or sometimes they don’t stop and you just get wet! It’s quite common for the engines to stall at traffic lights, going up hills or just in the middle of the road. On one occasion, going up a steep hill our taxi just gave up the ghost completely so we just had to get out. The driver beamed at us and told us we didn’t have to pay and proceeded to release the hand-break and rolled back down the hill. We walked the rest of the way up the hill…

There’s no such thing as a practical driving test here and the theory tests often come with the answers attached, it’s not unheard of for licences to be bought by bribes so, needless to say, the driving here is crazy at the best of times but, amazingly, there seem to be few accidents. I guess they’re just used to the driving. They don’t seem to have any rules on what makes something roadworthy, the idea seems to be that if it goes you can drive it! It makes for an exciting ride!

The jeepneys originate from the long wheel base jeeps used by the U.S here during WW2 they are the main mode of transportation for the masses. They come in a variety of sizes and colours but the main objective is to squeeze as many people as humanly possible into a small space. You climb in the back, there’s no door, and there are benches down each side so you just squeeze in where you can. Each jeep has the route written on the side and they hang plaques inside the front windscreen of the main stops along the way. The larger jeepneys often have a ‘shouting boy’ who hangs off the back and shouts the route at people by the side of the road. They seem to use a special language so it always sounds like ‘bla-blah, bla-blah, bla-blah, bla-blah!’ shouted really fast!. The seats are usually covered in plastic, which makes them exceptionally hot and sticky. Yesterday the floor of my jeepney was so rusted that you could actually see the road through the holes. But it’s only p7 a ride so you can’t really complain, and the risk adds to the thrill! It makes me laugh because, at home, there’s NO WAY it would be allowed on the road, they’re a health and safety black hole! But here anything goes, and I love it!

2. Kissing Sounds

There are two main ways of getting someone’s attention here in the Philippines. The first is to say ‘SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST’ very loudly and the second is to make a kissing sound, except they can do it really loud and really long! I’ve not quite perfected it yet as it makes my lips tickle too much but I’m getting pretty good with ssssssssst, you can even hail a cab on the other side of the road using it! I think the Filipinos are programmed to look when someone does it so it’s surprisingly effective. I, however, tend to ignore it when I hear it so if someone’s trying to attract my attention by doing it they must think I’m either deaf, or rude. Or both. The other crazy thing they do with their lips here is to point with them, so if you ask where something is they purse their lips, tilt their chin up and point them in the right direction, it takes a bit of getting used to but now I’ve even started doing it! I’m going to look so stupid if I do it at home, but luckily here it’s the norm

3. Resourcefulness

If it can be reused, repaired or recycled it will be! My dad would love it here, in fact, I think he may actually be Filipino! They love to weld, bolt, paint, screw on, bind up, tie to and fix EVERYTHING. I love the fact that, if something breaks, it doesn’t get thrown away, it gets fixed, mended, adapted or still used in it’s broken state.

Back home we live in such a disposable society that it’s great to see some real ingenuity. The poverty has a lot to do with it but as a race the Filipinos are really resourceful. Things are practical, not aesthetic, and that’s one thing that I want to bring home with me, that, as long as something still functions, I won’t replace it. I don’t need everything to be new and look nice. I’ve started by still wearing the trousers that I ruined when I fell over the pot hole on my first trip here. They have a huge hole in the knee but they’re still a good pair of trousers. Maybe that wouldn’t go down too well with my clothes for the office but for every day items I definitely want to be more conscientious. It’s certainly challenged the way I think.

4. Prayer & Dancing in the aisles

The Philippines are the only country in Asia to have Christianity as the predominant religion. Thanks to the invasion of the Spanish in the 1500’s the main faith here is Catholicism. One of the stranger aspects of this is that, at certain times of the day, everyone stops in the supermarket and the department store as recorded prayers are played over the stores announcement system. Everyone just stops still where they are and listens to the Catholic prayers. One day I had just paid my money to the cashier, she took the money and closed her eyes, stood holding the money until prayers were finished, made the sign of the cross and carried on with the transaction. Could you imagine if they did that in England?? And then, after the prayers, comes the dancing! A funky dance song starts playing and, as if by magic, groups of staff on the shop floor congregate and do a mad choreographed NCCC dance!

They love it and it never ceases to amaze me! I haven’t joined in yet, but I will before I leave! I think I might introduce the idea to Tesco…

5. The Weather

Hot hot hot, even when it’s cloudy it’s hot. It’s hot in the morning, hotter and mid day and still hot at night. This is Filipino winter at the moment and some nights I don’t need the fan on but most nights I still do. The humidity is over 80% most days so you feel permanently clammy. People carry umbrellas here most of the time but they’re dual purpose - for the sun and the rain, although it’s not rained so much recently. We don’t really spend much time outside, it’s too uncomfortable, and it’s also my excuse for not having a tan! It’s never cold here (well, not in the city anyway, I hear the mountains are cooler) The days that we call cool days are usually in the low twenties and it’s usually cloudy. Right now it’s thirty degrees in the shade, and it’s cooler than yesterday. But you just get used to it, I miss the cold though, especially as it’s Christmas…

6. The Eternal Christmas

The Filipinos have the longest Christmas period in the world. Ever. Christmas songs start playing in the malls on September 1st and I hear they keep on playing til January 31st when the Valentines frenzy takes over.

When I was in the mall yesterday there was still a man dressed in a Father Christmas outfit wishing everyone Merry Christmas. The staff at the check outs still wish you merry Christmas, as do the neighbours on our street every time we walk past. They really like to get their monies worth out of the season! As far as I’m concerned, Christmas is done, finished, at the end of Boxing day. But not here. I still have another month of Christmas songs to endure… Help…

7. Balot and Durian

I’m not allowed to say it out loud here but I think these could possibly be the vilest things to eat. They are Filipino delicacies and they LOVE them, especially durian, which is the national fruit. Even the Filipinos say ‘Smells like Hell, Tastes like Heaven’ I have to agree with the first part and disagree with the latter. Durian is a GIANT spiky skinned fruit that has a soft fleshy inside with a consistency similar to avocado. And it stinks. Bad. Like rotting dish cloths! It’s vile. The taste is no where near as bad as the smell but I can’t say I like it, it taste a bit like a very mild avocadoey -onion. But they really do love it, you can get durian ice cream, sweets, even coffee, which I tried and it tasted like coffee made with cabbage. I shall not be trying anything else with a durian flavour.

The other grim thing they like to eat here is balot (pronounced balute). This is boiled duck egg, with the foetus inside, usually between 16-19 days old (I think they hatch at 21 days)

Apparently it tastes just like a regular boiled egg but Lou ate one and you could actually see the feathers on the part formed foetus! GROSS! I’ve managed to politely decline all offers so far and I really don’t fancy trying it. Some of the guys in the team have but no amount of peer pressure in the world is going to make me cave on this one! Thankfully, balot and durian aside, the food here is really good (c: